B-E-A-uitiful.

In a sea of crap-o-la there are spectacularly beautiful things. The Mona Lisa, Michelangelo's David and other high class stuff. Then there's sunsets and the ocean, you know, stuff you're girlfriend drags you to. There has been a lot of discussion over the many, many years that the car has even existed about what the most beautiful of them all. When the car was first invented there were a couple German guys arguing, in German, over what early model Mercedes was the prettiest. Don't ask me how I know this, just trust me. Germans like 1 cylinder turn of the century Mercs.

The criteria for the most beautiful car ever, has to be specific. How can we discuss something without rules to decide what actually is the prettiest? Now, since I'll be making the rules I'll inevitably be deciding the prettiest. I could just think of them in my head and not even tell you but here are the rules for deciding whether a car is pretty.

1.) The car must be collectible - If no one else cares to buy the car then how can it be expected to be pretty. 1984 Honda CRXs don't fit into this category because they are total, uh, crap.

2.) The car must be fast - Now I'm not talking 200 miles per hour but it can't be a dog. Again, Honda CRXs don't fit into this category. Old British cars don't fit this category either because, let's face it, they are absolute rubbish with speed.

Now that we have eliminated most foriegn cars we are left with domestic cars. Now let's eliminate some other cars.

3.) The car has to be old - Yes, yes there are plenty of beautiful modern cars but they still don't count. Cars today have been marred by the limits of government on their fuel systems and how much they kill weasels in Austria. Classic cars are from a time that anything went and that makes them special.

4.) Looks fast standing still - The body of the car has to be sleek. It can't have a big flat nose that looks like the only way that it will ever get down the road is with a mammoth engine. The car has to be sexy. It has to look like something that you want to put on your wall as much as you'd like to drive it.

We've eliminated foreign cars, both young and old. We've also eliminated all new domestic cars. What we are left with is old, domestic cars. I'm not biased against foreign cars but in a blog on the most beautiful car ever you have got to admit (actually you don't have to) that the most beautiful were 1960s American cars. There era from which they came was a magical time that has been imortalized in film over and over again in films like American Graffiti. Songs make these cars into legends, so tach up that 409 buddy. There is only one car that fits all of the criteria that I've put forth.

...And the most beautiful car ever is...

1963-1967 Chevrolet Corvette



To say that this car is in no way beautiful would be a lie. To say it is not the most beautiful car ever would be blasphemy. This blog may seem a bit gushy, well, it is. This car makes my blood pump big time. The best argument that I can make is this...JUST LOOK AT THAT THING!!!

Car Bull No. 2!!

Back by no demand at all. Here it is kiddies...Car Bull #2. Come listen to me try a new format with the same tasty picture in picture look. Listen to me rant on YouTube.com via the link below or the bar on the side.

Welcome, this is Car Bull.

Is Red Bull the most fun loving company out there?

To paraphrase Travis Pastrana in one of his Nitro Circus DVDs, Red Bull is the most fun loving company in the world. It just is. Everywhere I seem to turn, Red Bull has yet another sponsorship or a new sponsorship in the works. Red Bull pays athletes in almost all forms of sport to smear their logo across helmets, jumpsuits and vehicles. Red Bull sponsors teams and individuals in motocross, off road biking, NASCAR, Formula 1, rally racing, skating, snowboarding, drifting and numeruos others even including air races.

Red Bull is most famous for making energy drinks and, if you can find it, cola. Red Bull was actually founded in Austria and has been around since 1987. Only recently has the worldwide phenomenon reached America.

With the introduction of the new Hyundai Genesis and most recently the Genesis Coupe, Red Bull is going to continue its sponsorship of Rhys Millen in the Formula D drift series here in the United States. Not only will Red Bull be sponsoring a driver they have also partnered with the Formula D sanctioning body for the Red Bull World Championship. The champioship was held this past November at the Port of Long Beach in California in November. Oddly enough the defending champion for the 2009 season will be, Rhys Millen.

Red Bull Rally Racing has opened the 2009 season with a win in Norway for its Austrian team. Rally America driver/Freestyle Motocross legend Travis Pastrana has been doing well over here in the States rallying as well. He's won the American champioship for the last three years and has begun this season with win.

Not only does Red Bull sponsor someone in every sport on the planet, they sponsor good people, and these people win. What's wrong with that? Absolutely nothing! I love it. Pastrana was right, Red Bull is a fun loving company. If only more multinational conglomorates had the attitude about spending money that Red Bull does. Red Bull has a cool logo that looks great on cars and other vehicles, and looks great when it wins. Cheers and congratulations to Red Bull. My only question is...Can I get a sponsorship?

Why is that ticket so big?

Due to the steepness of hills in Florida drivers gain a lot of inadvertent speed. Due to this unintentional speed I have had the privilege to give hundreds of dollars to the state of Florida. After so many injustices you might think that I would have become embittered, and you'd be right. That is not the problem though. However, my dislike is not irrational.

There have been numerous studies done throughout the years on the correlation between speed and crashes. The overwhelming conclusion on the subject depends on who you talk to. If you were to question any government who receives massive amounts of revenue from speeding ticets, they would say that speed limits are there to protect you. In fact, according to the current online traffic school, sanctioned by the state of Florida, one of the questions asks what speed limits are for. The inevitable answer being that they are there for all motorists' safety.

Is that actually true?

No.

If that were true I would not have read in Motor Trend Magazine that some counties in the U.S. are increasing penalties for speeders. Now, how does that protect us more? It doesn't. It only increases revenue to a government that will spend it on things like Kaleko computers and studded horse saddles.

One of the safest roads in the world is the German Autobahn. Not only the ultra high speed Autobahn but the rest of the roads in Germany as well. It takes a lot of money to get a German drivers license and it doesn't come overnight. You have to be a good driver to drive in Germany. I'm not saying that I'm that big a fan of Germany, Nazi-ism is a big detractor from the safe roads and beautiful countryside. This is just one example of how charging people a bunch of money for going fast is not making people safer.

In states like Wyoming and Nevada a few years ago there were no speed limits on the roads that were in the middle of no where. These kind of roads are most often featured in independent films that make feeble attempts at art and whit. As described in Wyoming law; whatever speed was "prudent" was the speed limit. After repealing these flexible laws in the name of safety crashes have inevitably gone up.

The possibility of crashes and traffic are two problems that make the road dangerous. To help illustrate my point, answer this question. What would cause more crashes and traffic?

1.) Flexible speeding laws complimented by more stringent license standards.

'or'

2.) Extremely harsh traffic laws that bankrupt the offender and a cop sitting in the middle of I-95 shooting radar.

Is the answer obvious or not? If you can't figure it out. Hit yourself with a brick and try again.

Time 2 buy.

Ok, so most car companies are in some deep doo-doo. Especially if you're General Motors, Chrysler or Ford. That's why they're offering pretty freakin' good deals. Just check out Ford, GM and Chrysler.com. When you check out Chrysler don't forget to look at Dodge because they'll be having the same deals going on, being as they're both under the same umbrella.

So what are we to make of these really good deals that all the American car companies are offering? It's time to go to your local dealership and rob the place.

Now by "rob the place" I mean go into the dealership knowing that they need your business and that they are desperate. Just recently I stopped by a local GM dealership and was told by one of the salesmen that their used car division sold 66 cars last month. That number didn't sound that impressive until he told me that new cars only sold 32 cars last month. Please, insert the grain of salt that goes with any information from a car salesman. As a young man myself, I probably wouldn't be given the time of day were I to walk into a dealership during, let's say, better times. My two day old beard growth and Quicksilver sandals would be an immediate turnoff to any self respecting, greasy horse trader. In this day, however, I get treated like the balded, retiree that talks like he worked with a lot of pastrami in his younger days.

Listen to me responsible little children with steady jobs and half a brain. If you've ever had a hankerin' for a new car, go get one. Go get one. Go get one! If you also happen to have something to trade, then what are you waiting for? It is not beyond the realm of possibility to double the value of your thousand dollar gift from aunt Mona just by going in and trading it.

Don't get too zealous. If you make less then $20 a week you might want to get out of grade school before you go and purchase that Corvette ZR1. As a college student myself, chomping at the bit to enter the dreary world of full-time employment, who has a trade, a $25,000 to $30,000 brand new car is not out of the realm of possibility. Obviously payments are inevitable, but they're really, really cheap ones.

Think about it. Talk to someone more educated than myself. I'm just sorta thinking out loud here. It's not dreaming though. Problems for big companies equal big discounts for the rest of us. Go for it. Review your finances and get something good...if you can.

Movies+Cool Cars, anyone?

There are plenty of cool cars out there that are worthy of being in movies but Hollywood and movie producers don't seem to notice that lately. Today it's all about corporate sponsorship and making money before the film is even released. Back in 1968 when the movie Bullitt got released they had to debadge the Mustang, because Ford would not let the producers leave the little horsey in the grill. I'll bet you didn't know that.

With cars being as big a part of not only the American culture, but the world culture, as they are you would think that cooler ones would make it onto the big screen. They don't always have to be brand new cars either. Take James Bond for instance. The Aston Martin DB5 was great in Goldfinger and Bond being put back in an Aston in Die Another Day was spectacular to see, don't put him in the same silver car every movie though.

I may have already started down a path called, "Stupid Argument." I will stand by my stupid argument though. There are cool cars that get put in movies (Ferrari in Vanilla Sky). For every cool one that makes it in there are dozens of others that suck. Sorry for the gratuitous use of 'suck,' but it works. 2 Fast 2 Furious was descent enough without Vin Diesel and the Mitsubishi Evo was pretty cool. What was with the Eclipse? Any dude who saw that movie was not inspired by that purple piece of junk to go out and buy an Eclipse. Mitsubishi sure thought they would be because they sponsored the movie. Hence, why we had a convertible Eclipse as a title car.

Not convinced? Take Batman: The Dark Knight. Batmobile. Freakin' awesome. Batcycle. Kind of cool (I guess). Bruce Wayne's Lamborghini. A tad sucky. Before you jump on me again, Lambos are cool cars. They just aren't cool enough for Batman. Every shiny toothed rapper has a Lambo. So, why would Bruce Wayne be as unimaginative as them and drive a Murcielago that wasn't even the LP-640. If a man as rich, and with as much taste, as Bruce Wayne were going to buy a Lambo it would undoubtedly be the Reventon. Maybe he would have a Koenigsegg CCX or something less ostentatious like a Bugatti Veyron. Anything. Don't put the coolest half-bat half-billionaire in a regular old supercar especially one that was in the first movie.

Movies do hit it right...sometimes. Bullitt I have already mentioned. Vanishing Point, The Blues Brothers, Back to the Future and Ghostbusters. It is possible to have cool cars in movies. The studios just need to put in a little more effort and get more esoteric.

How to build a car...really.

Ok so the post title may be a bit misleading. I’m not actually going to tell you how to build a car from scratch, but I will tell you how to build a car from a starting point…an actual car. The wisdom I have to impart to you is how to build a car that will not only be fast but good looking as well. Although you may not think that this is at all possible just by looking at the cars with aftermarket exhausts hanging loosely under their rear bumpers and the incomplete body kits that run the streets, it is. You haven’t heard anything like this before, trust me.

Like the beginning of any build you’re going to need a starting point. A skeleton, if you will, on which to hang your numerous parts. Now I’m not going to go down the road of getting a car that can be good looking, but it isn’t when you get it, and you have to get a bunch of body work done, then you get a body kit, etc., etc. The point we are going to start at is with a car that is already good looking, because why would you buy something to drive that is ugly? Depending on how much people hauling you may want a two or four door car. Many cars come with a coupe or sedan option. So there’s your first spot of luck. To narrow the field and give you a picture in your head I’m going to use the 2000-2004 Ford Focus sedan as my jumping off point. I chose this car partly because I will soon have one, and partly because I will build it like this. You can choose other cars like the Mitsubishi Lancer, Chevrolet Cobalt and if you just have to the Honda Civic. All of these cars can be purchased in excellent condition good miles for around $5,000.

Make sure you get the nice engine and transmission combination. Manual is recommended but not mandatory. With the Focus the best engine in the first part of the American production was the 2.0L Zetec motor and in 2004 the best one was the 2.3L Duratec. Learn how to read VIN codes or engine covers to get the right engine and for the love of God do some research on the best engine for you build.

Now that you’ve got your car or have your car in mind, it’s time to do some work. Rims a.k.a. wheels are usually one of the first things that people go for when customizing their car. If I was a douche from some magazine like Import Tuner or Super Street I would tell you to do that so I could phone in my article and get to work on my own car, but I won’t, because I care about you. Just getting rims is a bad choice. If you like function, as well as appearance, just getting rims are stupid. They are usually heavier than stock and make the car sit higher if you’re getting a bigger size. My recommendation would be to stick with the stockies for now. Go for suspension. Not just lowering springs either. You’ll need some new shock absorbers, springs and anti-roll bars. Depending on how extreme you want to go companies like Eibach, Tein and H&R will usually kit and misc. parts to complete your suspension.

Now that the car is handling well it’s time for some rubber and maybe some rims. As I said before, function is key in a build. Only go with rims that are lighter than the ones that came on your car or are only a couple pounds lighter. Also, depending on the car don’t go bigger than 18” in size or your just being dumb. An alternative to this would be to keep stock wheels and put new tires on them that are more performance oriented. ZR rated summer tires are good unless you live in Seattle. If you live in Seattle then you might want to get an all-weather tire. Tire makers like Goodyear and Yokohama are excellent choices. The best website to find tires and some wheels is TireRack.com, they sell everything. If you’re going the stock wheel/new tire route this allows the saving of money and adding of performance to spend on lightweight wheels later.

So now the car is handling well and you’ve got some new rollers. Now what? Now would be the time to get your air intake, exhaust (full or cat-back), underdrive pulleys and short shifter. The first three add a little extra horsepower and the last is to quicken up your shifts. All these upgrades are very tasteful and can help a car perform way mo’ betta. We haven’t even done a thing to the exterior yet.

Exterior is a tricky thing. Body kits and be functional and garbage. I recommend a front lip or splitter to start off with. Both of these can improve handling (if installed correctly) and look pretty good at the same time. Body kits are weird, because unless you're going to get a widebody one or one that works they're pointless weight adders. We did assume that you liked your car in the first place, right? Use your discretion when working on the body of a car. Only do it if it'll help the car perform. A hood that lets heat out of the engine or a lightweight trunk (only front wheel drive) can be nice, functional, additions.

It’s a proven fact (what I think is cool) that cars with upgrades done to them gradually are way cooler than cars done all at once. Tasteful upgrades followed by increasingly more extreme ones are the best. Plan ahead and make sure you have your money lined up. Depending on how far you're going to take this project it is advisable to make hard decisions in advance. Whether you're going to go for big horsepower is a good question to answer. How fast do you wan to go? Will it be legal? Do I want to be legal? Do I want to look stupid or awesome? Answer these and you'll be well on your way to an awesome car.

Now go do it.