Car Guys

Everyone's a critic. All you have to do to realize this is peruse the car websites and the youtube accounts of devoted car fans. This may come as a shock but even I am critical of some cars, owners, trends, etc. I try not to be as belligerent as some of the D-Bags on the web, or television, for that matter, but sometimes the moment calls for a little, "call it like I see it."

There's five kinds of car guys. There are subtle nuances to this list that may appear that smoe guys don't fall into each of these categories, but I assure you, if you look close enough the car guy you know will fall into one of these. Hopefully these attributes of the most common dudes, and gals, will help you to deal a little less harshly with the idiotic, stupid and occasionaly rational/learned.

Allow me to aim the crosshairs at those who entered the car culture back in 2001 with the release of the first Fast & Furious movie. Since then they have gained knowledge beyond that of NOS exploding and 10 second quarter-miles taking two minutes and feel the need to regale everyone with their superior intelect. These are the "Lemme Tell Ya" people. They hate Fast & Furious, even though it is the reason they first liked cars, and want everyone to know that they are a real car guy. They are so knowledgeable about what is what because they spent a couple minutes last night on HowItWorks.com, or Wikipedia.com, and want you to know what they know and that it was them that told you. They don't necessarilly have the money to have a sweet car but the way they talk you would think they did.

The second type of car guy is the "Ricer." Now I've written about this scourge of car world because people must know about these rats and obliterate them. Since you can find a deeper description in one of my earlier blogs I'll keep this short. They don't know jack about cars but they think they do. Their cars look like crap. They are loud, annoying and inspire hatful feelings in people. Avoid these people by all means necessary or you may end up in jail for murder.

Next up we have the "Professionals." These guys can go either way. They can be very good or they can be extremely bad. The good are the guys that will lean on their car at a show and talk to fans as long as the fans want to talk with them. Take a turn to a similar looking guy leaning on a race car in a fire suit and they will just tell you how great they are and you will not be talking to them for very long becasue, a.) Their agent will wisk them away to another photoshoot, or, b.) you will get sick and take off to find some schwag bags at the other parts of the show. Pros are not only race car drivers; they are the shop owners. The shop owners and mechanics know their stuff and can act pretty cool and talk with you for awhile or be too busy working on their cars to even feign understanding of mortals.

The "Rich Guys." They drive Ferraris, Lamborghinis and even Corvettes. These people have more money than taste and are extremely sad. Car guys often dream of having more money than the good Lord and it pains them to see those who come cloe wasting it on all too common supercars. These are usually older guys with wives that are either in their 20's or are made of parts from 20 year olds. They aren't that into cars but they like looking like they have money. They make everyone green with envy and red with anger.

The last, he best car guy is the "Regular Guy." They don't have all that much money but they do have enough. There cars may not be that extreme, but they work well. The regular guys are the happy ones. They are satisfied with who they are and where they are in life. Regular guys are the best to talk to at shows and the best to race on Friday night because in the end they don't want enemies and would rather build good will than start fights.

Keep your eyes sharp and look for the Regular Guys. Surround yourself with positive people in the car community and maybe some Rich Guys...for the money and free upgrades.